faitheism

February - March

2011-03-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

February and March have been okay months.....two big shows, a breakdown in Georgia, that totally sucked me dry financially. More tests it seems. But Sky and I had a wonderful time at Universal Studios, I just wish that I had a camera to record my pale window, my boy on our adventures.

Reflections on a new year

2011-01-12T09:31:00.000-08:00

It's hard starting out a new year with (what one hopes) is the saddest day you'll ever have. But there it is. I've had a few sad days.

My daughter's stillborn day.
The day I had to tell Sky about his father's death.
My own father's death.

But I have to interject something here, maybe off the point, because my mind is just rambling now. I remember a few years, this same daughter called, on her way to the Emergency Room, could I meet her there? I don't remember what was wrong, a miscarriage, I think, but it could have been something else. I don't think I want to remember. But I was also in a black-out drunk. Because that was what I did in those days. I don't remember much, but I know I made a drunken scene in the ER, I do know I was of no help whatsoever to Kathy.
So, I should be grateful (small mercies) that I could be there for her this time. Hold her hand through the whole birth, knowing what was coming, but not knowing yet the look of anguish only a mother can have for her lost child.

I hope I never know that. It's been my biggest worry with this child for the past 10 (12?) years.

I could write a whole lot more about anguish, because of Bill, of course. But that rests for another day.

Memento Moris Redux - Born Still

2011-01-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

My last posting seems so oddly prophetic now. My darling daughter's baby died, just a few days ago. We still don't know why she died. There is a photograph, now, of my own daughter, looking very much like the young woman in the previous photo, holding her baby, with that same struck look on her face......

I never hope to see that look again.

Her perfect little girl, perfect except for her very stillness, who had moved inside her just two days before. Before she became, became still.

Meanderings

2010-12-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

I fell into a trance the other day, driving, and imagined my other (real?) (true?) life. I was living in a dry, hot place, with swept pine floors, the color of dark amber. On the mantel were shards - of glass, of clay; the shards of glass reflecting colors to the ceiling. The walls were hung with memento mori......of whom I don't know, children and old ladies. The curtains were woven of cobwebs and black bombazine. I wore my long hair up in a pile held together with barkless twigs. Outside the dusty windows was my garden. I grew only tumbleweeds.

Interview

2010-11-18T19:07:00.001-08:00

http://www.chestertownspy.com/spy-profile-faith-wilson/

Duffman!!

2010-11-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!

The Footsteps of Spring

2010-05-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

I remember....

I remember that Spring long ago, holding hands with Sue, under bright dogwoods, breathing her last breaths,

and happy

we lay down in the footsteps of Spring.

snow!!!

2010-02-06T11:50:00.000-08:00

Two feet and counting......

Meandering

2009-11-20T06:25:00.000-08:00

It's funny where your thoughts take you when you don't even know you're going anywhere.

Last night I woke up to a crash of thunder so loud the whole house shook. I sat up in bed expecting the sky to turn red with a nuclear flash, and felt a strong twinge in my heart for the little boy in the room next to mine who would never see the rest of the world....
"Its only thunder", said my friend, lying in his own satori next to me.

Later, walking down my road, i saw the sun reflected in the storm-made ponds in the field, and there were gulls around the the puddles, and their sound made me stop and breathe in, and I could almost smell the ocean (small oceans in the corn field) which took me back to so many places......
yesterday I had three (count 'em, three) messages from the past. A man who I'd travelled with in my youth, another old friend whose wife had died suddenly last week, and a cousin I haven't seen for years. These voices all gave me pause to think about where I am, and where I've been. A man who hasn't seen me for over 30 years......what do we look like to each other? A man who's wife was here one day and gone the very next, and she was my same age. A cousin who has travelled a parallel life to mine, probably the same inside but very different on the outside. What are we, floating bits of atomic matter, made up of circumstance more than anything else?

Cold and Rainy

2009-10-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Its been a cold and rainy week. My poor friend is pretty sick....

My car is still broken, which is so sad because I'm not sure how much longer my dear old pick-up truck is going to last.

Sky is fine. He is so cute and funny. I'm really lucky.

I've been working on getting the studio ready for winter, because I've got a lot of work to do......tomorrow I'll pick up a pellet stove, so it will be nice and cozy. Last winter was too cold.

So this weekend is the opening at Adkins Arboretum. And Jamie's birthday party which is an extremely BIG deal. There will be 1000 balloons. I hope Sky doesn't fly away.

Long Weekend and Pride

2009-10-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

So this is a long weekend. Family stuff, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries. The Ravens game. My boy home for a long weekend.

Today I'm feeling proud of being an American. Its so cool that President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And he hasn't done anything yet, but try to be a good guy, and everybody (well, excepting a lot of Americans) all over the world Love him and think he's good.

What a difference!

One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One man come here to justify
One man to overthrow
In the name of love!
One man in the name of love
In the name of love!
What more? In the name of love!

U2

Other Updates

2009-09-30T14:35:00.001-07:00

Don't forget to check out other stuff at:

http://notesfromtheedgeofadonuthole.blogspot.com/

Family in San Diego

2009-09-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

Chas, Sky and Hall

(his California Cousins)

And here he is with DLOM (dear little old mother) still looking great at 85! (I mean 39)

Still Summer

2009-09-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

We went to San Diego, here he is at the beach and the airport.

Summertime and Sky

2009-09-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

This summer, Sky did a lot of things. He sailed for a week on the skipjack, Elsworth, here he is coming home.

that's him on the left, looking like Huck Finn.

Washington Craft Show

2009-09-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.craftsamericashows.com/WASH_main.htm

Please come to the Washington Craft Show, and support craftspeople and artists!

September 20

2009-09-20T11:58:00.000-07:00

So today, Sunday is just a work on the house, laundry, etc. day. it is really a beautiful day.

This week I started a new blog, http://notesfromtheedgeofadonuthole.blogspot.com/ , which will be my thoughts and struggles of the whole artist thing. But I hope to keep up this separate blog as more of a personal notebook. Meanwhile, I'm getting ready for two shows, "Palimpsest" at Atkins (see below) and the Washington Craft Show - http://www.craftsamericashows.com/WASH_artists.htm .

September

2009-09-14T14:33:00.001-07:00

Okay, okay, so here I am. Back again. I am really going to make an effort to keep up with my blog this time. I swear. Really.

Universal Studios

2009-03-18T08:41:00.001-07:00

So here are Sky, Tanner, Brittany and I at Universal Studios.

Baltimore Craft Show

2009-02-22T08:54:00.000-08:00

Well, the Baltimore Craft Show is a few days away. So I'm in my usual pre-show frenzy. Regretting all the time I wish I'd spend doing this and that. Oh well, I've got a lot of work already, it's just become a habit to pull a few all day/nighters pre-show. I'm not even sure why I'm bothering except that I've already paid the fees. I don't anticipate a high turn out. I'll be glad when it's over, just so I can get some work done on the house and garden. I can't wait for Spring!!

Paperwork

2009-02-04T17:35:00.000-08:00

Today I was dealing with all the paperwork I had accumulated over the past year......bills, letters, receipts, cards, photos, lists, etc. etc.

OH MY GOD

But, it was kind of cool. I re-read this letter I had gotten from a friend, a person I had once loved in another life time, and hadn't heard from in 30 years. I felt like I was meant to have this letter today, to remind me of what to let go of, what to keep.

You see, if you don't let go of anything, you could end up drowning; sinking beneath the weight of it all. Thank you, long lost youth friend.

Snow Day

2009-01-28T08:15:00.000-08:00

The Snow is Melting

The snow is melting

and the village is flooded

with children.

Kobayashi Issa

Having a boy is both wonderful and terrible. Wonderful to get a glimpse into the joy of just being. Terrible because of the fear inspired by their total lack of nerve.

Post Chicago

2008-12-09T20:22:00.001-08:00

Just got back from a four day show in Chicago. What a long drive.

One last show this week, and I'm done for the year.

thank god.

BAZAART

2008-11-20T10:50:00.001-08:00

Coming up November 28th and 29th, is Bazaart an art/crafts show at the American Visionary Art Museum. This will be the 4th or 5th year I've shown there (that tricky time thing.....) Anyway, it is usually a fun show with everything from the funky to the sublime.

Happy Halloween!!

2008-10-31T13:21:00.000-07:00

A tale of two Indys....

So here are Indiana Goss, and Indy today at their party.

Bullwhips at hand.....

Sachels on hips.....

Hats on heads.....

hope

2008-10-23T20:05:00.001-07:00

I've been feeling very hopeful lately, like things might be alright, and for the first time in as long as I can remember I feel really really proud to be an American.

I want us to be the really good guys again.

I don't know if Obama is the answer, but to me he really represents the hope that we can change, that we can be better. That greed and fear can't keep ruling us.

I don't care what other people think of us, we need to feel better about ourselves. After becoming greedy, torturing bullies, mantled under the cape of "democracy", we can finally shed that cape that the elitist republicans have wrapped around us and become trully good (and democratic) again.

Start respecting each other instead of fearing each other. Stop thinking of the other as "the other" and become one.

It's just a hope.

Once and future?

2008-10-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

So, Sky and I were walking through the park and they were making a commercial. Our Congressman, Wayne Gilchrest was endorsing Frank Kratovil for the election. I took these pictures of the boy with them.

History, no?

saturday

2008-09-20T12:01:00.001-07:00

Hanging out at Mare and Ford's

The Violin!!

2008-09-13T10:55:00.001-07:00

So today Sky and I went up to buy his violin. It is so beautiful. We are very happy.

Friday Night

2008-09-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

Raining, emily, sparky, sky - weird boy yankovich.

13 ways to look at a blackbird.....VII

2008-09-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

O thin men of Haddam,

Why do you imagine golden birds?

Do you not see how the blackbird

Walks around the feet

Of the women about you?

-Wallace Stevens

sky's first day of fifth grade

2008-09-03T07:53:00.001-07:00

One life

But we're not the same

We get to carry each other

Carry each other

One

Hope

2008-08-28T14:21:00.001-07:00

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction....The chain reaction of evil - hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars - must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.", Martin Luther King, Jr.

you inhaled

a thousand bird wings rang in my ear

you exhaled

a thousand birds cried in the air

you - a blackbird

flying through my head

and nested in my heart

Letting go....

2008-08-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you (I) just can't.

Let go

of the past.

Dallas

2008-08-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are in Dallas. I miss my funny little boy.

The weather is cloudy and not too hot. Yesterday, Sparky and I both played poker, but didn't fare well at all in the tournament.

But I did win $85 in the cash game, which was pretty fun.

Texas.........what can I say?

Back Again

2008-07-21T16:59:00.000-07:00

Well, unfortunately the whole camp thing didn't work out for the little guy this year. He was pretty lonely, and was reminded too much of last summer. so.......

I picked him up early.

But we really talked about stuff and Sky and Lexie and I went to Nantuckett where we rode bikes (Sky and I on a tandem) and took Bill's ashes to Miacomet Pond.

It was a good thing.

But, it was three days of driving over 8 hours each day, AND biking for about six hours, and ohmygod my butt is pretty sore!

Thoughts of the boy

2008-07-08T19:53:00.001-07:00

Back From New England

2008-07-08T19:50:00.001-07:00

Well, dropped the boy off at camp. Poor little guy, skinned knees, and burned feet, and off he goes for a month. I hope it's all alright for him. Had a nice visit with Lexie and Richie, ate too much though.

Came home and made cookies and mailed them.

June 28 musings

2008-06-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

So, I spent all week packing up the studio to move to my home shop. Thanks to Sparky and Keith without whom I couldn't do it. On one of my trips, this woman asked me if I was moving in, and I said, "Where have you been, after 3 years, I'm moving out?" chestertown.

It will be good to get me out of Chestertown. It was my (our) best show and so few people even saw it. The town art mavens didn't even bother.

WTF

Last/Firsts and firsts and lasts

2008-06-06T05:13:00.000-07:00

So today mare and i are having our last show at the liminalist gallery. for more on liminalism see faithwilsonart.com. maybe some other time i'll ramble on about it.

Also, yesterday the boy (Sky) graduated (!) from fourth grade with about as much pomp and ceremony and little glitches as a small community school can provide. I sat in the front row with a couple of other mothers i know and found myself bawling my eyes at this sappy song ("the wing beneath my wings") yikes! my little boy is singing a bette midler song, enough. Thus ends a 20 year relationship between me and Worton Elementary School.

And then there's.....

2008-04-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

Better hold fast to the void.

Tuesday mornings with the Boy

2008-04-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, and Sky is home sick with a "cold".....whatever.....as soon as i turned the car back to the house he was singing like a carolina wren.....

now he's walking around the house......what's there to do?

so, i didn't go into my mindless job, i guess i'll clean house today. That can be therapeutic. My sister gave me the Dalai Lama's book - "The Art of Happiness" the cover is very good.

It is a beautiful day, but pretty cold.

So, what's it all about Alfie?

2008-04-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

Hey, where did it go?

Ah, here

Family of Bones

these tiny bones, i lay them on my life

they are you, and you, and you.

arranged to be the skeleton of love,

i sit inside them a attention, like

a dog waiting for its owner to return.

a garbage truck could flatten them into

the road, or a wind could scatter them

apart. as fragile as the remnants of a

bird, without the guts, without the worm.

with rain into the gutter they could flush

away, and there everything i love would

go. these pearl bones, i wish they could

be safe. so few, hung together with a thin

string or something. a family of bones

2008-04-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

I talked to two friends yesterday, past and present....

and realized I haven't let go of a lot of things.

Bill sent me a lot of poetry before he died. But my favorite was written by Suzzy Roche:

Random Stuff

2008-04-11T20:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, so even though I don't really have anything to say, i'm writing anyway, but here's the thing, i really didn't think anybody read this, so i'm writing this ..... i don't know why. This is my boy, Sky, who is nine. He drew this picture when he was seven. he looks exactly like this except that right now his hair is pretty long.

If you want to see him in action, here is a link to a movie his buddy (my ex-nephew Jasper) took. Never mind, I couldn't figure out how to do that, but if you go to utube, and type in ffuP, you will see it.

I'm writing about sky because I don't really have much to say, I ran 2 miles yesterday, and i'm stiff as a board.

Let's see there is this delirious garden in my head, it is spring after all, with colombines, narcissus, bleeding hearts, and hyacinths. The air is heavier, and thundering right now, crackling.

You have to let go of the past to move on. And you have to go forward, there is no past, except in memory, totally subjective. There is no future except in your imagination, and there is no now, a heartbeat between memory and imagination.

sunday march 23

2008-03-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

a week after getting back from Atlanta, and I'm still exhausted. Sky's been sick all week. I'm so anxious about money, i feel like i can't breathe. God, I'm just tired.

2008-03-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, march 18

Drove back from the Atlanta show yesterday with my friend Carm. The show was okay, not great, and I think I'm finally coming to a realization that trying to talk people into walking on art is just like butting my head against a big brick wall.

Can I re-invent myself at this point?

keep tuned in

2008-03-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

Sunday

I've been thinking a lot about loss today, and change, and how hard it is to really look at ourselves.

I think a lot about picking up pebbles, and who I've been, and how I can be a better person. I know I can't change who I've been, or what I've done, but like a pebble i've picked up on a long walk, I hope I can take these thoughts out of myself (like the pebble in my pocket) and turn them over and examine them and just try to do it better the next time. I don't want to throw that pebble away, but to examine it occasionally so that in remembering where I've been, I might go forward.

monday, 3/3

2008-03-03T13:36:00.000-08:00

I'm just starting this today. i've been working on my webpage all day, and it's been driving me crazy!!!!!

Getting ready to head down to the Atlanta ACC.